18 May 2009

Tales of A Postponement

I am still a little self-conscious of the fact that Mr. G and I have been engaged for two years. Two years?! This long waiting period wasn't intentional. We hoped to be married quickly. But around every corner, life seemed to get in the way.

Back in May 2007, I was newly engaged and thinking about a simple, small wedding. Enter: family, expectations, visions of a beautiful, elegant wedding, and every last detail that goes into the planning and execution of "one perfect day". Our loved ones wanted a big wedding at a fancy venue. They wouldn't take "no" for an answer. So we set the date for November 15, 2008 and hastily booked our venue; our most expensive vendor (by far).

One clause in the venue contract scared me. "In the event of a cancellation, party owes the entire cost of the event in full." Brutal. But, at the time, we never imagined anything would go wrong.

Then enter the failing economy, lost jobs, and health-related issues. By July 2008 there were so many negatives weighing against us that we knew that we couldn't pull off the wedding by November. Luckily, there was a postponement clause in our contract. We couldn't cancel our event completely, but we could postpone it without a penalty fee. Whew. We made the difficult decision of delaying the wedding from November 2008 to June 2009. I recall feeling helpless and sad.

There have been a few not-so-fun situations resulting from the postponement. Couples who weren't even together when we got engaged two long years ago have gotten married before us. Friends and relatives, wondering if the wedding is on or off, sheepishly ask, "So, when's the wedding?" A lot of people asking why we postponed. I'm a private person. Do I owe them an explanation? I guess in some ways, I do.

When we first postponed, I wondered if June would ever come around. But it has, and we will finally be married. And when the day is upon us, all of the hardships of the postponement will be a distant memory. We will be married, and life goes on.

Did you consider postponing or have to postpone your wedding? What are some of the difficulties you faced? Please feel free to share your story, if you would like.

4 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, you do have to explain. Briefly - just say that economic pressures required you to postpone the wedding. That's all.

    As for couples meeting then getting married in the time of your engagement ... well frankly, I don't think that's long enough ... but that's just me. So don't worry about that.

    In fact, don't worry about a long engagement at ALL. Not one bit. We planned an 18 month engagement. And if someone makes you feel bad (by asking "so ... when's the wedding?") - just ignore them!

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  2. Now that you have an answer to that "When's the wedding?" question, why not breath a sigh of reliefe and just say "next month"? If they ask why it was postponed, you can politely say that these things take time and if they want to know more, they are REALLY being far too nosey. It's your business, when, who, and how you marry.

    The week I was getting married, we found out that his grandmother had a heart attack. His immediate family (who was living with her at the time) was out here for the wedding. She was back in Boston. When I got a moment alone with him I asked him if he wanted to postpone the wedding. I was completely game for it. I knew we could tie the knot later, and if he needed to visit his grandmother. He said "No". I asked if he was sure. He said he was. So we proceeded. She ended up passing away the night before our wedding (though we didn't hear about it until two days later, while on honeymoon).

    To this day, I don't regret asking him one bit. And if he would have post poned things, I would have been completely 100% okay about it.

    Do I think we still would have gotten married? Completely. Though we're no longer together, it's not a decision or experience I regret. :)

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  3. @J. Darling: What a sad story! But I understand your point about postponements. Sometimes stuff happens. Thank you for your words of encouragement! Much appreciated!

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  4. ::raising hand:: My fiance & I have had 3 wedding dates! I can definitely relate to your post. The first date (Sept of 'o8) was moved after a few weeks of it being set, due to another couple at our church. They "claimed" to have chosen the same date, & it was an oversight in scheduling, so there went that date. That couple never even got married.

    Then, we continued planning & suddenly had to reset the date for March of '09 because my fiance's dad began having a variety of health problems that were of course of concern & beyond control, so we had to wait things out, due to travel. Shortly after, I was pretty much deflated, but we had our June '09 date set. But....right around this past Christmas, my loving fiance was laid off. Yep. So, now that we have endured the growing pains of our engagement, we have agreed to wait on the date until my fiance is working. The wedding expenses are being taken care of one step at a time (keeping in mind that alot of things had to be reordered, due to the date printed on them). We certainly could get married tomorrow, but we promised to get married 'in order' & we are keeping that commitment.

    Yes, life has hit in many different forms, but love endures anything. Circumstances such as ours would probably break alot of others apart, but to us, it isn't about this one day. It is a lifelong pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

    As hurt as I was this last time, I reminded myself of how fortunate I really am to have a loving fiance in my corner, & also more time to get things done! I didn't realize how I really did need more time, lol. All things have a way of working out.

    In a fun, lighthearted way of communicating with our out of town guests, I sent out "Move the Date" cards, rather than a postponed wedding announcement. It just seemed less heavy, & it got out point across. Nights have not always been easy though... I think other people make your waiting more painful than it has to be. The spraying of questions & comments, & sighs of doubts...many wet pillows have been under my cheek, for the thought of us already being wed, sharing last names But, this only means that things are being better prepared for us, not cancelled, & for that I am grateful & so excited. Sorry for the uber long reply...

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