I am coming to the surface today to take a breath. Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement and love. They have meant so much to me during this time of uncertainty. I am so very, very lucky. When all I’ve wanted to do is mop around the house and fear the worst, I have had an amazing support system that has been lifting me through the roof with positivity and strength. They hold my hand, accompany me to doctors’ (yes, many doctors) appointments, and tell me “everything will be fine.”When all that keeps me up late into the night is the nagging question,”Will I be okay?”……it helps to know I have people rooting for me. If only my mom’s certainty or my husband’s kind words could be the cure-all, I wouldn’t be in this position to begin with! This whole ordeal started when I visited my regular doctor about some concerns I was having in regards to my menstrual cycle. I had an ultrasound performed, and when the results came back, my doctor kept spewing out words like “biopsy” “extensive” and “abnormal”. She scared the living daylights out of me.Hey, ever heard of BEDSIDE MANNER? No? Better ask somebody. I swear, I didn’t know whether to faint or karate chop her between the eyes. Ummm, I’m 28. Ummm, I’d like to have kids. Ummm, I’d like to…well…LIVE. What the F is going on?!?! I am still a bit in the dark as to what is “wrong” with me, but I do know more than I did after that horrific consultation with my regular doc. Those stirrups and that exam table (ladies, you know what I’m talkin’ about) feel like they have become my second home. Poking, prodding, pinching, cramping…all words that have become my tortured hobbies. But it’s funny – when your health could be in jeopardy – you grit your teeth, pull your shit together, and do what you have to do. The discomfort has been high, the actual pain not bad. My favorite one liner of the past few weeks was said by my radiologist, “Ok, so, this is going to hurt.” Thanks for the warning! I’ll sit here in anticipation waiting for my vagina to drop out from underneath me. Do you mind catching it when it falls? (Luckily, what he said would hurt wasn’t so bad. Whew!) Anyway, I just recently met with a specialist, and the next course of action is minor surgery at the end of October. I like this doctor. I feel comfortable and confident that he is a master of his craft. After surgery, I will truly know what the dealio is. But for now, it’s more of the waiting game. I figured that while I’m stuck in limbo, I might as well get back into the habit of living my life. There is so much you miss when you are paralyzed by fear, doubt, and the unknown. I’m learning to deal with it one day at a time.

September 15, 2009

thelessthandomesticgoddess

12 Comments

  1. The Professional Bridesmaid

    September 28, 2009

    Sorry to hear about your health problems. Hang in there. I have a friend who has gone through this road…twice…and she's all good (fingers crossed). Hope that gives you a little comfort.

  2. Kasia Fink

    September 28, 2009

    Ugh Carly I am so sorry. I know how scary it is to be in that situation – I've been in a similar one. Not knowing is the worst part but it gets better from there. You're very brave and you've got your sh*t together (I loved that sentence) and you have lots of support. Together we'll kick it in the butt, whatever it is. 😉

  3. brooke @ claremont road

    September 29, 2009

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, Carly… you'll remain in my thoughts and I'll be sending good juju your way! Best wishes for a full recovery. xoxo, Brooke

  4. My Dream Ring

    September 29, 2009

    Carly sweetie I am so sorry for the what is going on with you right now. You are being super strong about it and I love the positive attitude that you are keeping. You're in my thoughts and I hope everything works out for the best. If you need anything or need to talk you know where to find me! {{{HUGS}}}

  5. Anne K. in L.A.

    September 29, 2009

    I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know it's got to be rough. If you need anything, even just some cupcakes to cheer you up, let me know. I'm not that far away. Hang in there. {Hugs}

  6. LauraAnn

    September 29, 2009

    I am so sorry! I hope that everything goes well with your surgery and you get the answers you need. Stay tough and know that you are in a lot of peoples thoughts!

  7. Mo

    September 30, 2009

    ::Hugs::
    I'm so sorry Carly. I hope the surgery goes well. Let me know if you ever need anything, really.

  8. Krista

    October 1, 2009

    That sucks. After my mom's cancer diagnosis last Feb (which took about a month), I can say with certainly: the NOT KNOWING is the worst part. I am not saying what you have gone through is anything like my mom, nor am I suggesting anything bad for you. But awaiting a diagnosis is stressful, and I get that.

    So, I hope it goes well. And keep us posted 🙂

  9. Linda

    October 1, 2009

    Oh my goodness, I am so very sorry that you are going through all of this. I have faith all will work out for you in the end! Best of luck with your surgery! When you are feeling better, when you are up to it, and if you wouldn't mind, do you think you could share what it was that made you want to see a doctor? I just ask because it could be something we are ignoring ourselves, I know I ignore a lot of stuff, shoot, I have yet to see a gyno because of fear!

  10. Jody

    October 9, 2009

    Just saw this and wanted to let you know that I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry to hear you are going through all of this.

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