In the midst of my graduation from girlfriend to fiance to wife, the nature of idle conversations with my MIL has changed. I first noticed said change during the holidays. Literally everything she talked about with me involved cooking and my womb. Here are a couple of examples:
Cooking
Her: Do you cook during the week?Me: Yes, I have been attempting to cook at home.
Her: Like what? What do you make?
Me: Uhhh, chicken, pasta, salads. Easy stuff.
Her: Silent. Smirks. Walks away.
My WombHer: When I was your age, I was so skinny. I was 85 or 90 pounds. Not like you. (Not like me? What am I – a sumo wrestler?) But I got pregnant and had a baby. After I had the baby I was very strong.
Me: Oh, okay. Thank you…?Her: You will be fine.
I’m not sure what to think. I know she worries about my health and she knows I had surgery a couple of months back. But I can’t help feeling like I am her means to an end. (i.e. Baby-making apparatus that will produce her grandchildren.)
The woman is nuts. Aren’t convinced she’s crazy?
During the holidays, she gifted me a toilet. I don’t know what to call it, so I’ll call it the “fertility loo”. I am supposed to light these special herbs, sit on the fertility loo, and let the smoke go where it may. Oh yeah, she gave me a special robe to wear when I sit on it so my va-jayjay soaks in all the herbs. I am deathly frightened of the fertility loo. It’s sitting in our dining room covered in a hefty trash bag.She called L yesterday. I don’t know what they talked about, but I know she asked if I had used it yet. I was waving my arms back and forth and motioning for him to lie to her and say I tried it. She’ll hate me if she knows I didn’t squat on her herbal toilet.
FML.
Mo
Oh dear, that sounds awful, but at least it makes for an amazingly hilarious story. LOL!
I have to see this herbal toilet now.
I know there are a lot of rules to follow in Chinese culture too, but I have never heard of something you sit on. Good God. *HUGS*
emileee
That is craziness! But can you please post a picture of this herbal toilet? I can't even picture it.
I have that "fat" conversation with my mother all the time. She loves reminding me of how she was only 90 lbs when she was my age.
-J.Darling
Wow. When I was first married, I got that a LOT! "When are you having kids?" First off, Ex and I had no intention on having kids until we've been together 5 years, but I already knew I had PCOS and my chances of natural, safe childbirth were, well, not the "norm". We ended up answering, "We're not having kids. We'll just borrow others and give them back." 😉
I don't think she's crazy though – just definately has her own set of priorities!
thelessthandomesticgoddess
@Mo and @emileee: I have to get a picture of the toilet. It's PINK! How hilarious is that?!
@J: The infamous kids question!! It's amazing to me how quickly the conversation changes. One day I was a career girl with my own dreams and goals. The next day, I'm married, and apparently I should be an earth mother in training. Bizarre.
Kasia Fink
Oh my. I've heard of using herbs like this but didn't know someone had invented a toilet to make it more… ah… commodious.
I echo everyone above – this is begging for a photo.
sassandpancakes
This is hilarious. I'm picturing this sad little toilet, sitting in a dining room somewhere, all covered up. Seriously: photo!
Chic 'n Cheap Living
OMG, that is just a lot of crazy. Fertility toilet? Wow. Are a set of chants included as well?
AmyJean {Relentless Bride}
Lol. I have to laugh b/c Korean ajuma's are almost all the same and i think nothing can be harder than to marry into a korean family. SERIOUSLY!
And to be honest, you answered in the best way possible… sometimes Korean mom's want to be snide and man and sometimes they don't, but either way – by letting them push your buttons, you are letting them win… so good for you for just saying thank you and moving on…
if you ever need to vent to someone who understand, come chat over at me.. I can try to explain but truly all i can do is shake my head in understanding!
Silvia
This is hilarious! Has she asked if you are even trying to have children already or does she assume your working on it cause your married now?
and I agree we need a pic of this fertility loo
M and C
I have no idea what to say but the whole things makes me laugh (in a good way). I feel like my husband must feel the same way about my parents. Like when my Dad told my husband he buried a statue of the patron saint of real estate (no joke) in the yard of their rental property would sell quickly and for a good price. Pure insanity and I love it. 🙂