9 September 2010

Dinner with the In(sane)-Laws

Awhile back I had another dinner extravaganza with my in(sane)-laws. Everyone that reads my blog is familiar with many a story involving my favorite second parents.

The most current debauchery did not disappoint. I don't think it tops the time my mom-in-law belched in the backseat, but it's still pretty over-the-top shit.

First of all, L and I know that when we go out to dinner with his parents, we usually eat really good Korean BBQ. The in-laws are picky about their food. One time when I first met L, my father-in-law (FIL) got in a shouting match with the owner of an upscale Korean restaurant over a dish that wasn't up to snuff. I was mortified, because I don't usually speak up about that kind of stuff.

They be crazy about their grub.

For this dinner, L and I picked the restaurant because we were feeling...I don't know...brave? This would definitely come back to bite us in the ass. Anyway, read on.

We met at the restaurant. My FIL sat down and in his hand was this green piece of fruit that looked like a giant grape. He placed it on the table without a word. I thought to myself that it was odd to bring food INTO a restaurant, but whatever. Then he declared, "Let's drink".

L and I looked at each other. This was going to be a long night.

Round One.

The in-laws were in rare form and started criticizing stuff from the moment we sat down.
  • The table we were sitting at was too far in the corner and apparently made my MIL claustrophobic.
  • My FIL was annoyed because the soju (Korean rice wine) we ordered was over-priced.
  • My MIL went to rest her hand on the top of the booth and it was "filthy dirty". Why she needed to put her hand there, I will never know.
This was all before we even ORDERED OUR FOOD. After the food came, my spirit was quickly dwindling.

Round Two.
  • The meat was too crispy.
  • The waitress wasn't cooking things correctly (which required that my FIL steal the cooking tongs from her, and order her away).
  • The grill was too oily.
  • There wasn't enough garlic.
  • Ok, now there was enough garlic, but it wasn't chopped correctly.
And on and on and on and on. Everything became a blur of complaints and a greasy pan of food in front of me.

It was when I nearly got hit in the head by a flaming squid leg cracking on the overheated grill that I was brought back to consciousness.

By the time we finished up, my FIL had successfully gotten sauced, and my MIL was actually behaving herself quite well aside from her blatant displeasure at our choice of restaurant.

When the bill came, my FIL picked up the the giant green grape (which I learned was a plum) and declared that this was "the best plum he has ever eaten in his life". He then tried to split it in half with his bare hands and a big piece of it went flying in the air landing on the floor in the middle of the restaurant.

In the MIDDLE of the RESTAURANT.

What's so hilarious was that they thought nothing of this. Business as usual. They just kept talking and then eventually my FIL went and picked up the glob of plum on his way to the bathroom.

Never a dull moment with these people.

Dinner ended rather unceremoniously compared to the previous events of the night. The in-laws had a bag of goodies for us including a bright teal button-down for L. L told his mom that he had no use for the shirt, but she wouldn't hear of it. Now we have another item in our closet from them that likely won't see the light of day anytime soon.

I don't think they will ever let us pick the restaurant again. But that's cool, because somehow everything we do is not as good as they would do it. That's something that has taken seven years for me to kinda sorta accept.

As I said, business as usual.

Anyone else care to share any in(sane)-law stories of your own?

15 comments:

  1. this is the funniest story ever! i can't wait to read up on your other inlaw stories! My MIL is pretty unique (has mini-donkeys and mules and does pony parties for kids...) and we will be living with them shortly, so i'm certain i will have many similar stories!

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  2. Wow! No offense to your ILs but I often why people like them just don't eat at home if they are going to criticize everything about a restaurant. That being said, my ILs are pretty easy going and don't really fuss about food. They also barely go out to eat so that may be why.

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  3. My MIL (and FIL) and wonderful people but the MIL is constantly telling me in subtle ways that I'm fat. She's 5ft-nothing and the only time she's ever weight more than 100lbs was when she was pregnant with twins (my hubby and his brother are fraternal twins). She's a skinny little thing and I'm too fat for her. PSH.

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  4. Does anyone remember the episode of Friends where Ross goes out to dinner with Rachel and her dad? And her dad is such a bad tipper that Ross feels bad, and leaves more for the tip? (then Rachel's dad catches him, and yells at him, and makes him pay the whole bill). Yea, that is my FIL. WORST tipper in the world. It is SO embarrassing! He'll leave like $1 or $2 for a $40-60 bill. Sometimes he'll say "they didn't do much" when actually the service was really good. UGH. I am a very good tipper, and I always think it's a good idea to treat the person who brings you food and drinks well, but FIL is not that kind of person. At first I felt like I should throw in a couple bucks after we left the table, but I was afraid of a "Rachel's dad" incident (plus they'd always manage to make us go out ahead of them). Now we always offer to leave the tip when we go to dinner with them.

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  5. That's too funny and props to you for going to dinner with them. I don't know if I could handle it if that was my in-laws. They are certainly different and it has taken me some time to get used to them, but nothing too weird. You dealt with it much better than I would have.

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  6. my in-laws are actually perfect...my parents on the other hand...thats another story!

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  7. what an adventure! i think i would like to be a casual observer of a dinner like this ;)

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  8. LOL Carly...bless your heart!

    My in-laws are freakin fantastic, I can't complain.

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  9. Hahaha. Oh no. I would have crawled under the table and died. I can only think what it'll be like when I have to go out to dinner with my future in-laws. Actually, I'd rather not think about it. Haha. 8)

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  10. Omg, you were much more graceful about it that I would have been!

    (My in laws are fine, except that they're uber-catholic, racist, homophobic, and bigoted...)

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  11. I literally laughed out loud when I read this! Hilarious! And I loved your Mother's Day post too. Oh the in-laws.

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  12. Oh no! I feel for you my dear! I don't know how I would handle those two!

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  13. Awesome! I have a similar story with my husbands extended family - we met them for dinner one night. They had been over at a friends house for pre-dinner drinks and appetizers and BROUGHT THE APPETIZERS with them to the restaurant! They realized that they needed to go and wouldn't be able to finish everything, so just packed them up and brought them with.

    When they asked for plates to lay everything out, I thought I was going to DIE! It was pretty funny though, and I do love these particular family members of his :) Greeks! What can you do?

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  14. Seriously, you deserve a medal, but thank you for making me laugh with yet another In-Law Classic! LOL!

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  15. Thanks, everyone! My in-laws are crazy, yes. Through all of my adventures with them, I have learned that a healthy sense of humor can get you through most anything in life. For that, I am eternally grateful to them. :)

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