Did you always know you wanted to be a mother? What made you decide? When did you know? By the way, I'd love to hear your stories. Or if you've decided you don't want to be a mom, I'd love to hear your stories, too!
First off, I didn't always know. I wasn't one of those girls that dreamed of mothering children her whole life. Yet, I also wasn't one of those girls who was opposed to anything and everything related to kids.
I suppose, most of my life, I was somewhere in the middle.
As a young girl, I was obsessed with playing with dolls. I played with dolls a lot longer than it was socially acceptable to play with them. I always volunteered to be the role of "mommy" when my friends and I would play house. I liked to pretend to cook, clean and be domestic, which, in retrospect, is hilarious. As you know, I'm not domestically inclined.
I honestly think my behavior stemmed from my admiration for my mom. My mom is like earth mama, best friend, and foxy lady all rolled into one. So, of course, I wanted to emulate her! I didn't know the first thing about motherhood, but I liked watching my mom be a mom.
Then, as I got older, my interests strayed from motherhood completely. I became a sassy teenager with important things on my mind like how to get boys to like me. I went off to college and found the idea of motherhood nice for "older" women, but definitely not in my immediate plans. I would remain in this frame of mind for several years.
When I met L, we were so young that we didn't really talk about kids. We were way too into ourselves and our budding futures. Before we got married, we discussed children, and we agreed we both wanted them at some point in time; just not now or close to "now." We didn't have much of a clue what "wanting" kids really meant, but it sounded good. White picket fence, a few kids, a few dogs, a station wagon. Why not?
I liked kids and kids liked me. I've done my share of baby-sitting, looking after my little brothers, and cooing over babies in public. I always thought those things meant that maybe I had the mothering gene? Maybe I wouldn't mind having a little person hanging around that looked like us?
However, none of those things truly translated to wanting to be a mother. I didn't realize that until now. Presently, I know I want to be a mother.
The pivotal change occurred gradually, but my realization of that change happened rather suddenly. One day I didn't want to just coo over babies in public. I wanted to hold my own child in my arms.
It was that simple.
I thought about my future and couldn't imagine a life that didn't involve motherhood in some way, shape or form. When L and I would get under the covers at night, we no longer really talked about taking a nice vacation or spoiling ourselves rotten. We debated over what kind of people our hypothetical kids would be. We laughed over how our yet-to-be-conceived daughter would be a little princess, and our yet-to-be conceived son would be a bad-ass.
We began to dream of a life with kids that almost felt real. The only thing we were missing was...well...the kids.
That's how I knew I was ready. We were ready, and it was a good feeling.
How did you know you wanted to be a mom (or not)? Or maybe you're still trying to figure it all out? I know it took me quite awhile to get to where I am.