18 May 2011

Avoiding Serious Topics

I am avoiding any serious talk on this blog for the moment. I'm kinda hiding out. Sorry guys.

But I don't want to hide out too much, because (a) I'd be a blog hermit when I'm already a real life hermit and (b) I've shared my whole journey up to this point, and should probably continue sharing. I could choose to keep everything private for now, and just show pretty pictures of clothes. (There's nothing wrong with that, I love pretty pictures of clothes!)

But...

I'll share just a bit.

I went off birth control this month. Yep. Two months post-surgery has flown by, and we are back into baby making territory. I feel like I'm free falling right now. I have to trust my body, which let's face it, doesn't have the best track record at times. I have to let myself become vulnerable to the rollercoaster ride all over again.

It's tough.

It's even more anxiety inducing this time, because I feel like the stakes are higher. I've been feeling pretty good for the past month or so. Recovery took a long time, but I have moved on to a decent place. It makes me nervous to even write that, because I do still have my bad days. However, I have good days, too. I MUST appreciate the good days!

It scares me to think that I could be messing with my good days already. Yet, when you have endometriosis, cysts, and polyps like I do, you know that those little weeds will most likely grow back. Consequently, time is not on your side.

Shoot, I did what I said I wouldn't do. I talked about the serious shit. I'm much more light-hearted in real life. I swear!



14 comments:

  1. You know, there is really nothing wrong with fearing the bad days WHILE you're having a good day, sometimes it just happens (I get that on Sundays). Of course, I DO want you to be happy. :) You have worked so hard to get where you are, and I hope every day starts turning into a "good" day for you, you deserve it.

    Big hugs for you. :)

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  2. Hey chika. Sounds completely normal. All you can do is take it moment by moment. Enjoy the good ones. Cry through the bad ones and know "this too shall pass". Someday it'll all feel like some distant memory. Stress plays a HUGE rule in women's reproductive cycle. Finding a therapist to help guide you through these times might be helpful for both of you too. I've found yoga really helped get a little more balance in my life. Hang in there!

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  3. good luck, carly. You are an amazing person with a great spirit- good things will come your way.

    ... and know that even if you aren't sharing the serious stuff, you have a community of women here who support you and are rooting for you!

    be good to yourself always- the rest will follow :o)

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  4. Good luck, Carly! Don't feel bad about talking about heavy matters, we're all here to support you! Here's hoping you'll continue to have many good days, and hopefully some good news sooner rather than later, as well!

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  5. sometimes you gotta talk about what's on top of your mind. not sure if your MIL make you take it yet or not, but i took hanyak to get pregnant. worked 4 times (2 times i miscarried tho). but just a thought...i'm a believer of it now...wasn't before.

    good luck!

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  6. Thank you for sharing, Carly. I hope for AWESOME days ahead!

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  7. Thanks, friends! Your support really lifts my spirits!

    @J. Darling: I've been considering going to a therapist for awhile now. I wish I could afford the one I really want to see. It seems like a lot of psychiatrists don't accept insurance? Hmmm...

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  8. I think its good you wrote about it. Sometimes it helps to literally spell things out when tough stuff is happening. It lets you get it all out of your system so you can feel good for the rest of the day. Enjoy your husband now, while its still just the two of you :) Hoping for the best for both of you! Good things are coming, I'm sure!

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  9. Girl, this IS your real life. And there is ZERO that you should feel awkward about or apologize for. We're all rooting for you.

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  10. @sillie smile: I'll have to ask my MIL about hanyak. I've never heard of it. Thank you for passing on the info! I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. :(

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  11. i'm really pulling for you and hoping for nothing but good health and happiness :)

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  12. You're always in my thoughts, and I'm wishing you nothing but wonderful luck during this time! <3

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