I've rambled on a lot lately about all the improvements I am making in my life. I've poked fun at doctors, and tried to make light of infertility, illness, etc. I have forged ahead, because that is the only way I know how to handle this. I've tried to downplay the fact that this is really hard.
I'm not in denial. I am just trying to do something productive with the bad cards I have been dealt. But, it doesn't negate the fact that sometimes my heart hurts. Sometimes my spirit is crushed. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to go on. I just want to give up. I'm human. I'm fallible. I don't have all the answers. Even when I put my thinking cap on and research until my fingers are numb and my brain hurts - I still can't figure it all out. That frustrates me to no end.
On the bright side, I am learning so much about myself. As cheesy as that sounds, I feel like I know more about myself and am more comfortable in my own skin than perhaps I have ever been. I am so thankful for that. Maybe this is the gift of my 30's? Finally figuring out me, and not feeling bad about it. Maybe this is the gift of my endometriosis? Knowing my body in ways I have never known it. Nourishing my body in ways I was too lazy to previously nourish it when I was "healthy".The gift of my infertility? I'm still working on that one. I know it has already taught me so much, but I still don't consider it a gift. I'm sorry, it's not.
Life can be so funny. You really can't predict how it's all going to play out. You do the best you can. I think that's all anyone can ask. Do the best you can.