I feel like I am perpetually one step behind, and constantly clawing to catch up. There is no real way to be fully prepared for infertility and/or fertility treatments unless (a) you studied reproductive endocrinology in medical school or (b) there is no b. It's like that dream where you wake up and you slept through final exams. You feel insecure, inadequate, and like you are screwing your life up big time. Damn, I hate that dream. That's kind of how all of this feels, except it's real life. I am so unprepared for what is behind the next door of infertility fun.
But getting back to things no one told me - I have a big one. No one told me that fertility treatments can be delayed, or worse, cancelled. In my mind, the doctor spells out a particular treatment plan, the patient adheres to the protocol, and then anxiously awaits the results. All of the anxiety and potential heartache lies in the results a.k.a. are you pregnant or not? I somehow failed to take into account that we are dealing with our bodies here. Fertility drugs may or may not help things along. Procedures may or may not improve your chances of success. Our bodies will react or not react however they damn please.
For example, take my situation. I've been living in a strange gray area called, "Three months and No IUI."
I started treatment with my fertility doctor about three months ago, and we have been sidelined three cycles in a row. Why? Two different cysts and a bad reaction to the fertility drug, Clomid. That's the long and the short of it. I don't have the time nor the care to map out how this makes me feel. Actually, you can probably guess how this makes me feel. What's the word? Mad? Not really. Sad? Eh. Frustrated? Bingo.
As each day passes, I am learning I have less and less control over where my body wants to go or what my body wants to do next. I am just a passenger along for the ride. Cue more frustration.
Any friends want to share other things no one told you about infertility and/or fertility treatments? Maybe we can all learn something.